Summer of 2010 Ending

And so concludes another summer :]

This summer was pretty magnificent actually. I got a boyfriend who's absolutely fantastic. I got kidnapped by my friends just about every single day. Anddddd I spent time with my sister. LOL i didn't do ANY hw til the last week of summer xD I've been working on it 24/7!!! I didn't even finish, but oh well :P
Anyway, just to keep it short today, tomorrow I have school so I should actually be in bed right now hahaha.


Later Aligator

Sigh

One word... conflicted :P


fml

Whataya Want From Me?

Okay, look, I know I'm weird, okay? I get it... I just need you to be accepting of that. I know it's hard, I know I'm stupid, I know I'm not perfect or what you want me to be. But I can't change who I am. And if you don't like it, then things won't work out between us.
Yes. I am a freak. Yes. I am weird. Maybe too weird for you to handle, but this is me. And I'm sorry, okay? Whataya want from me?
I just need you to keep holding on, okay? I'll try not to be so weird anymore, okay? But, it's not going to go way. I'll always have it.
And I'm sorry to my parents. I'm sorry I'm not fucking perfect and that I am not what you want me to be. I'm sorry. Period. I'm sorry for being born even if that's what it's going to boil down to. I'm weird. No. I'm not girly. No. I'm not my sister. No. I'm not perfect. Yes. I am emotional and overly sensitive. And YES. I AM PARANOID!!! okay???
I over analyse things. I go overboard on things. I take things to the extreme. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not normal like everyone else and that I'm just stupid goddamn __(not going to say my name)____. Alright? Is that good enough for you now?
I'm sorry I'm not pretty and beautiful and awesome like my sister is, okay? I'm sorry I'm just the stupid let down that I am. I'm sorry that I'm the pain in the ass that nobody wants. Okay? I know already. No need to tell me. I don't need you to remind me.
I'm a freak. I've accepted that about myself. Now I need to know that you can too. And if you can't... then just fuck off.

Cause I'm sick of it...

And Summer Begins

Summer is here at last.
A lot of my friends graduated this year. Oh well, I'll be seeing them around anyway. I'm also pretty excited for next year. It should be really fun with all of the classes I'll be taking. And you know what else is fantastic? My mom, my sister, and I are going to Hawaii this summer. WITHOUT DAD!!! xD lol We're going to have so much fun. This will be my first time going to Hawaii :]
I also have other news. I have a boyfriend <3
He's so sweet. I can't find anything wrong with him lol. Typically by now I can find something that I don't like about a guy, but there hasn't been anything with this one. We went ice skating a few days ago. It was so much fun. He was literally skating circles around me though hahaha. Thanks to him I can actually skate without holding onto the rail for dear life. He would hold my hands and start skating backwards really fast and when we took breaks in between laps every now and then, we were busy making-out.
So let's see, some things about him... He loves K-pop and dancing. His favorite color is blue. He wants to learn Korean. He's Canto. He's really sweet and really hott. Besides weight training, he likes english and history. He's kinda shy. He loves rice. His favorite member of Big Bang (also his favorite group if he had to choose one) is Tae Yang. And I'm not going to list everything, so I'll stop there xD
Also, new music to look forward to in July. VAMPS is coming out with their second album BEAST!!!! I can't wait~~~ <3 Hyde's music never fails.


Summer, Here we come!

Other Random Quick Sketches

Art Projects Over 2010 School Year

There was a self portrait we did too, except mine was entered into a contest and it lost by the way, but it's still hanging up in some office in Palo Alto. :P

Yes, No, Well, Maybe, No... Y-Yes...

I am so conflicted. There's this guy and I cannot fathom to you how good he's been to me. I've known the guy all though high school and he's liked me for God knows how long. He can be a complete and total asshole sometimes, but others he's the sweetest. If he sees that I'm about to cry, he'll sit with me and play happy music on his ipod for me till I'm okay. He's ALWAYS there for me. He understands my life and who and how I am and accepts it. But... it's just that we have such a great relationship right now, that I don't want to risk ruining it. The guy is practically in love with me. He's never gone out with any other girls in high school. I just... don't want to be another one of those girls who broke his heart in the end. He's not just a guy like my past boyfriends, he's special to me. He's me friend, and I don't want to loose that. I don't want to have to hurt him. I'm not concerned with myself here, I'm worried about him. He doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve or anything, far from it, but, he still has feelings too, you know? I really care about him. A lot. And he really cares about me. A lot. I just don't want to ruin that.

But then again... what if I end up really happy with him? What if he really is the one for me? On my "Perfect Boyfriend" Check List he only has ONE thing crossed out, and that's only because he's not Asian. The rest he either has it, sorta has it, or it doesn't apply yet. He's definitely not my type look wise, but he does have the other qualities. Although when he wears his glasses he looks kinda cute. I love the color of his eyes.

My Mom says no, because I flip-flop too much on the guys I like. I fall in love really fast, and I fall out of love really fast. But the things is, is that he's not like the other guys, I actually KNOW him. I know who he is, his likes, dislikes. He's obsessed with guitar and bikes. She says that she just doesn't want to see me get hurt.
My little sister says yes, because love is all about taking risks and we both have a strong relationship right now. We're comfortable with each other.
I don't know what to do. Not only that, I have to consider what this would do to my friendship with one of my best friends. Me and him are both scared of what she'd say.
So, yeah, I don't know. Anyone have any suggestions, comments, or input?


We kinda have a song... Death Cab for Cutie- I'll Follow You Into the Dark

Life and Books

Life is like writing a book; things never come out the way you had expected them to.


Pretend you’re writing a book. There’s no specific genre or anything, you’re just writing a book. Now, this book is about your life, and the main protagonist is you, the “hero” of the story. I want you to think about the characteristics of this protagonist, looks and personality. Are you tall? Generous? Maybe you have a bit of a temper?

….

Now I want you to think about the other characters that will be in your book, only the good guys though, your “sidekicks”. Who has stuck with you through it all? You’re friends, your co-workers, you’re boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe your family? Your dog or cat? … Do you have them in your head now? Once you do, start thinking about their traits, like what you did for yourself earlier. Are they nice? Do they have good style? Are they fun to be around?

…

Now I want you to think about your main antagonist, the “villain” of your book, or maybe you can’t narrow it down to just one, in that case just jump ahead and think of all of your antagonists. Afterward I want you to characterize all of the people, or the person, you just thought of. What makes them so “evil”? … Now for those of you who only characterized one antagonist, think of some of the other people you would consider a villain in your book and characterize them afterward.

…

Now think of the history between you and the other characters. How did they come to play this part in your life? What was it that has made them feel this way towards you or other characters?

…

Now that you have all of you characters, think of the storyline. What has the storyline of your life been so far? Have you suffered from a traumatizing event? Does your life involve a lot of romance? What has happened in your life up to this point?

…

Now think, where do you want this storyline to lead up to? Not what it’s going to lead up to, what you want it to lead up to. What does the ending look like? … It’s a happy ending, right? Now think about how you’re going to get there. Like any book or life, there are, unfortunately, crazy and confusing obstacles. Nothing comes easy does it? So, think. How are you going to make it through? As the protagonist and the writer, how are you going to get yourself through all of this to reach your happy ending? What methods are you going to use?

…

Now start writing, start living your life the way you had just planned it all out. You know who your friends are, you know who your enemies are, and you know where you want to go and how you’re going to do it. But think again. You’re writing this book right now and suddenly you’ve come to a stand still because the plan you thought was going to work out, didn’t. Let’s say a friend has just stabbed you in the back, they turned against you. Now what? All of that planning and work, for nothing. Now you have to re-work everything, re-think who your friends are, who your enemies are, and now come up with a different plan to get to your happily ever after.

I guarantee you that this will happen a second time, and another, and another, and another, re-working and re-thinking all that we had just planned out for ourselves. This is because everything is constantly changing, later on you may decide that you don’t want to go through with your plans, or your relationship changes with one of the other characters, or perhaps it turns out that you don’t want that happy ending you were shooting for in the beginning. Things happen unexpectedly, they never ever come out the way we had originally planned, and that’s okay, because it’s not the end of the world, you just have to redo everything. And, you’re not alone. People are constantly re-writing and re-thinking their books everyday.

Now, I want you to think about the reader, the anonymous person who, for whatever reason, buys your book. What do you want them to think of it?

This is Life, Welcome

Life is a struggle. Though perhaps some not as much of a struggle as others. I guess it all depends on what kind of a life you were born into and or the choices you’ve made in it. I don’t think we realize it, but a lot of the things that happen to us are in our control, cause I mean, of course not everything. We can’t manipulate death, or put a stop to sadness, or even stay happy all of the time, but we can definitely improve our situations by approaching it with a positive attitude. And I mean, what’s life without the struggle anyway, right? If everything came to us easily, how much worth would love be? Or any other kind of reward or sweetness? It’s because these things in life are such a struggle and hard to earn that makes it so precious and so special.

So… I think life is worth the risk and the pain and the sadness and whatever else we go through, because the outcome and the rewards I know will be worth all of it. It’s important not to ever give in or give up. Yeah, life has its difficulties and hardships and those brutal horrifying moments where we think that our whole world is just going to crash down upon us, and sometimes it’s true, it does end up crashing and shattering into God knows how many millions of pieces. But what we have to keep in mind is that, things don’t stay broken. It may seem like they do, but they don’t. One way or another they start piecing back together. Slowly, delicately, cautiously, and maybe some pieces end up coming apart again because, well, life has it’s ups and downs, so things will fix and then unravel a bit, but then you just fix them again.

Life is a process, made up of steps and stages to meet every individuals needs. That’s why there’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to getting better and why there are no guidelines on how to live your life. It’s because everyone’s different. And that’s okay. You can make up your own guidelines, and maybe they’re even the same kind of guidelines someone else needs.

So, after all of this, and you do heal, I’m not going to lie, there will be a mark, scar, or reminder of what has happened to you in your life. These things don’t disappear, but you can definitely make them stop bleeding. And in my opinion, it’s good to have that scar, because you can look back at it and say to yourself, ‘I can make it. I can hold on. I didn’t give up. I made it through this and I can keep going now matter what life throws at me. I am a survivor.’

Put simply, life can be a bitch. A huge one at that with major mood swings. But there are other times in life that are sweet and loving and fun. And what’s important is to always remember those moments, those little grains of time in our lives where we couldn’t stop laughing, or found out that the person we love loves us too, or when we finally accomplished something we’ve put all of our efforts into. It’s important to always remember the good things in life because these are the things that will keep you going and motivate you to not commit suicide, or hurt yourself, or to think more positively.

Life is such a precious gift that we have been given whether it was an accident, unwanted, or uncared for. It’s something that needs to be nurtured and loved because it’s so delicate. Now I know that maybe often we don’t think that life is all that wonderful. Perhaps, we don’t believe that life is so precious because it has been so cruel and cold to us. But you have to trust me. It does warm up and touch our wounds softly instead of smothering salt and lemon juice into them. It just takes time. Everything takes time. Some more than others depending on where you are in life, but they get better and you have to remember that.



Just keep holding on. You’ll get through it.

...

Note to Self:

Don't speak your mind or try to talk about things with mom or your sister. They'll judge you and assume things, thinking they all ready know and won't listen to you.


Oh well

1st Post of 2010

One year closer to 2012 :D lol I'm curious to see what happens. Anyway, it's been a while I guess. So.... updates. First off, I had a boyfriend not too long ago and unfortunately things didn't quite work out. Um... oh! mom is looking for a psychologist for me, so I can "get better". I'm looking forward to that actually. I think it's really going to do me some good.
So... overall, I think I'm doing all right. I think some sorta aspects about me have changed for the better. Hopefully by the end of this up coming year, or, maybe even summer, I will have an even better attitude.
Meanwhile, I'm continuously collecting friends and befriending cute boys, yay~! And I'm off boys for the time being. I won't be dating again till college. It's for the better... but that doesn't mean I can't fool around lol.
And, as you can see, I have also changed my blog title to "Over the Rainbow". The previous one was sad sounding, so, yeah.
Also, I have been sending in my poems to a club at school and they've been getting reviewed by the "higher ups". They really like them, so I'm pretty proud of myself.

So! Anyway. I have goals for this year~

1)Fix attitude

2)Write 100 pages

3)Stay in shape

4)Practice drawing a variety of things

5)Do my best and don't give up



Lookin' on the bright side